ShopBullying: what it is and what actually helps
A fight ends. Bullying keeps coming back. Here's how to tell the difference, what you can do if it's happening to you or someone else, and where to get help.
What counts as bullying?
StopBullying.gov, the federal government's site on the topic, describes bullying as unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived imbalance of power and happens over and over, or is likely to. Many against one, or one person you can't push back against.
It can be loud: shoving, threats, wrecking someone's stuff. Often it's quiet: spreading rumors, leaving someone out on purpose, laughing every time they talk. That counts too.
If it's happening to you
First, the most important part: it's not your fault. Nobody deserves to be bullied, no matter what anyone says.
Write down what happens: the date, what exactly, who was there. Screenshot messages. That way you have something concrete when you tell someone.
Tell an adult you trust: a parent, a teacher, your school counselor. In most states, schools are required to have an anti-bullying policy and a way to report it. If it starts to feel like too much, you can call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It's free, confidential and open 24/7, and it's not only for emergencies.
If you see it
Bullying works because other people watch or laugh along. You don't have to be a hero to change something. Don't laugh. Check in with the person afterward so they know they're not alone. Get an adult involved. That's not snitching, it's exactly the right move.
How hard it is not to laugh when everyone else does is what the story “Fitting in” and our article on peer pressure are about.
For parents
A lot of kids don't say anything for a long time. Signs to watch for: stomachaches in the morning, suddenly not wanting to go to school, damaged or missing things, fewer friends, spending a lot more time alone in their room.
Listen before you act, and ask what your kid wants to happen. Don't start by calling the other kids' parents. Contact the school, ideally in writing, keep notes with dates, and follow up. If the bullying targets race, color, national origin, sex, disability or religion, schools are legally required to address it under federal civil rights law.
Is bullying illegal?
There's no federal law against bullying itself. Every state handles it through its own laws or school policies. Some things that happen during bullying can be crimes, like assault, threats, stalking or harassment, depending on the state. In an emergency, always call 911.
Story: Fitting in When everyone laughs: peer pressure Find help
Sources
FAQ
What's the difference between a fight and bullying?
A fight is between people who can stand up for themselves about equally, and it ends. Bullying targets the same person again and again, and there's an imbalance of power.
What should I do if I'm being bullied at school?
Write down what happens with dates, tell an adult you trust, and report it to the school. In most states, schools are required to have an anti-bullying policy and a way to report it.
Where can I get help with bullying?
Talk to a parent, teacher or school counselor. If it feels like too much, call or text 988, any time, free and confidential.
Is bullying a crime?
Bullying itself isn't a federal crime, but parts of it can be illegal, like assault, threats, stalking or harassment. Every state has its own rules for schools.
ELSEWISE tells stories. We are not psychologists, doctors or counselors, and we can't give you personal advice. If something is weighing on you, talk to someone you trust or contact one of the services on our help page.